I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
