I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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