No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
