The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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