if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
These tits shall not be calmed
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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