you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
