What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
