I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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