Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
