whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
