he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
