Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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