I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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