Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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