Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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