my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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