FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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