Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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