i may or may not be watching the land before time
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
