we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
