I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
