Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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