There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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