So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
