Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Randomize
