Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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