you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
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