i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
