no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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