I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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