the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
