so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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