Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize