at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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