i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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