You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
