I can tuck mytits in my pants
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
