I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
