we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
