wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
