Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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