At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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