"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
