I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize