I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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