she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize