trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
