i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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