my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
