I hate your face
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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