Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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