the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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