I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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