How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
