sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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