it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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