At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
We got so high we made milksteak
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
