Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
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