You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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