3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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