i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
