i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
