i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
