how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
