Life is so much better after having sex.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
