sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
