I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
