dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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