and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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