his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
