I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
