don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
