Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
