Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
