Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
