He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
What a dumb baby whore.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Randomize
