if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
