Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
