I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
