its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize