I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
