I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
We had sex on a dog bed..
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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