I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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