exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
