i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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