the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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