one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
