What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
