No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
bring money and cleavage
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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