Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize