that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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