Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
