if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize