so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
