I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
