Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
