More tranny stories later!
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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