just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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