I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
