when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
