Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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